OMG! If you haven’t been on Tumblr lately or you’re a cisgender shitlord, you probably don’t even know what an Otherkin is. The FUCK is wrong with you? You’re being a fucking RACIST and you’re triggering me with your ignorance, so please check your goddamn privilege before you continue reading this article. I’ll wait.
Checked yet? kthx. Anyways.
What is an Otherkin?
OMG so why are you reading this article if you have to ask this? I can’t even. Otherkin are humans who identify as other creatures, including elves, dragons, wolves, squirrels, Sonic The Hedgehog, aliens, vampires, elven wizard vampires with aliens as life partners but identify as toasters etc. The following are different kinds of Otherkin:
- Twinkies or other pastries (treatkin)
- People who dress in mascot costumes and have sex with people in other mascot costumes (furrykin)
- Juggalos (clownkin)
- Captain Kirk (trekkin)
- Refrigerators (appliancekin)
- That hot anime character from that one show with the guy who has the big yellow hair and fights monsters with a spork (fictionkin)
Anyways. Here’s 5 pics that show that your stupid cishet relationship is both dumb and racist.
Marcus and Janelle
Met: December 12, 2013
Favorite date night: Walk in the park
OMG can you say squee?!?!??! Marcus and his/tur trans female-presenting humankin girlfriend/tifriend Janelle make such a cute couple! Marcus met Janelle in Central Park. Once he/ti spied Janelle, he/ti knew he/ti had to say hello! Janelle is so brave yet vulnerable and independent. OMG NO THAT IS NOT JUST A HOMELESS MAN WITH A PET SQUIRREL ON A LEASH YOU SHITLORD
Jess and Roger
Met: June 22, 1988
Biggest fear: Turpentine, acetone, benzine
Aren’t they/zem just so cute as an Otherkin couple? Jess is trans & cis-presenting rabbitkin and Roger is a mostly cis asexual but it’s ok because he/ze is autistic humankin. They’ve been together for nearly 25 years can you believe it? Like they/zem don’t even look old or whatever & they/zem are still sooooooo in love! <3 <3 <3 WTF THEY/ZEM ARE NOT CARTOONS THEY/ZEM ARE REALITY-CHALLENGED YOU FUCKING ABLEIST SCUM
Rachel and Lucy
Met: August 1, 2012
Favorite food: Pasta, bugs
Wow Lucy is one lucky female-presenting demisexual hedgehogkin! Her/ch and Rachel (omnisexual femme-presenting dominant humankin) met at a pet store in the mall and have been together ever since. They/fhm love just hanging on the couch together and eating yummy breakfast! WOW JUST WOW NO RACHEL IS NOT A PET HEDGEHOG AND LUCY IS NOT A DISEMBODIED TORSO GO KILL YOURSELF YOU ASSHAT
April and Don
Met: January 15, 2006
Favorite couples activity: Ice Skating
OMG aren’t they/mamm just the cutest?!?! April is a white cishet female but that is kinda ok because she/momm is a proud feminist and is both strong AND independent and also a womyn. She is also proudly engaging in an interspecies relationship with Don, who is a turtle-presenting queer humankin. Both of them/mamm are asexual and like to watch a lot of Dr. Who as well as operate multiple Tumblr blogs. OMG DON IS NOT ASIAN JUST BECAUSE HE IS A NINJA GOD YOU ARE TRIGGERING ME RIGHT NOW I AM LITERALLY CRYING WITH RAGE TEARS YOU RACIST FUCK
Linda and Dale
Met: January 2, 2015
Favorite web sites: Tumblr, www.Dominos.com
Wow aren’t they/bong just the most funnest couple! OMG I wish I had a Significant Otherkin like that. Linda is a body-positive lesbian pansexual pizzakin activist who loves Netflix and engaging in debates when she/bing encounters white cishet privileged males manspreading on the subway. Dale is a bigender transethinic crocodile presenting as an alligator who identifies as oompaloompakin. Trigger warning: Linda is in a disabled relationship with Dale, who lives in a fucking ZOO, which is fucking CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. IF YOU HAVE BEEN TO OR DRIVEN WITHIN 5 MILES OF A ZOO JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF ALREADY
Aren’t you really glad you aren’t an ablebodied humankin? If not you are literally worse than Hitler. Go donate to my Patreon before I have you swatted.
The Alpha Persona
on January 23, 2015 at 10:09 am
This is the greatest thing I have ever read in my entire life.
on January 23, 2015 at 11:24 am
on January 26, 2015 at 1:28 am
on February 10, 2016 at 6:17 pm
Fapkin (Habitual Masturbators)
Pumpkin (Swole Life)
Dunkin (Habitants of the planet Arrakis)
Napkin (Narcoleptics or heroin/opoid addicts)
Ramekin (Top Ramen)
Pigskin (Fat chicks)
on February 10, 2016 at 7:36 pm
on February 11, 2016 at 11:58 pm
Yeah, could be. I guess It’d be better spelled; dünkin for the purposes of my definition.
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